Reflections and Resolutions

It's almost 2006 and I'm now 32 plus one day--I'm one of the poor souls whose birthdays happen to fall in the holiday season, but at least it means I usually don't have to work on my birthday. Plus, as I grow older, it seems that, between my birthday and New Year's Eve, I have a darn near perfect excuse to do some serious reflection on the past year and figure out what the next year might have in store for me. As I was driving to Davenport to visit a friend and her family today, I did just that--nothing like the incredible boredom of Interstate 88 to incent some deep philosophical musings on my life.

It's absolutely astounding to me to think of all that's transpired in my life since my 31st birthday--I can safely say I couldn't have predicted even 1% of what happened. I think my friend Jenny summed it up best in her Christmas card to me--simply put, "Good Lord, what a year." A year ago, I had yet to start running--I started with the Runners' World 10-week program that had me running a minute, walking a minute, etc. until I finally worked up to running for 20 minutes straight--but that process didn't start until the first week of 2005. Now, I find myself excited to be wrapping up the taper phase of an 18-week marathon training program that had me running 3+ hours on several occasions, and I can't begin to express how excited I am to run in my first marathon next week. It's been an incredible journey thus far--the crazy thing is that it actually seems like it's been the most natural progression ever, and I'm not sure whether that should frighten me or simply indicate to me that this is exactly what I'm meant to be doing now. Frankly, I think it's a little of both.

Running aside, there are many other things that amaze me about 2005--like the fact that I started the whole triathlon thing and the fact that I'm not too bad at it. I'm still stunned at times by the fact that I'm doing IM WI next year--that seems crazy in my weaker moments, but I also know that I can and will do it. I can't begin to express how much fun I've had this year through the whole training and competing process--I'm so very thankful to have such a great group of people to train with, and I'm grateful for their friendship, advice, and tolerance of my random moments.

From a more general standpoint, I'm finally becoming comfortable with the person I'm becoming--I can actually look in a mirror and recognize the person staring back, which is something I struggled with for the first ~80 lbs or so of my weight loss journey. It's weird to realize that all of the gradual changes add up to a brand new person, but it's pretty cool to finally look in the mirror and see only the new me without all of the old baggage. I've still got a ways to go to get rid of the old me completely, but I'm a hell of a lot closer than I was this time last year. Plus, I've appeared in public and around people I know in a bathing suit and in spandex--that has to count for something where my whole body image issue is concerned.

More important, though, is the mental change that has occurred--I feel so so much more comfortable with myself, and I think that's translated into more self-confidence and more willingness to expose myself to new things, new people, and new challenges along the way. I used to sit back and think life would come to me--now I seem to have adopted a "bring it on" attitude and pretty much grab life by the horns. I think it's also helped my friendships--I know there are some that are much stronger now than they've been in the past, and I've made some incredible new friends this year as well. I think the challenge for next year will be continuing to develop those friendships, but I'm up to the task.

In 2006 and in my 33rd year of life on this earth, I'm resolving to continue the transformation. I'll tackle my demons by finishing Disney and IM WI and all of the training races in between, and I'll have an awesome time doing it all. I'm resolving to maintaining some level of sanity by remembering to stop and laugh/cry/have fun/just be every now and then, and I'm resolving to make damn sure that my friends (both new and old) and family know how very much I care about them and how grateful I am that they are in my life. I'm not good with emotional things or letting people know how I feel, but I'm going to do my best to get that message through. It's going to be a great year--I can feel it! And the journey continues...bring it on!!

Happy New Year...